What am I doing?

So, why is it that when I'm with the new girl, I'm so happy but then I dream about the ex...nonstop...I don't think I ever dealt with the breakup...and I think its starting to hit me how much I really did care about her. You just cant write that off. I could have had her back...I told her to go. And now I know she is so hurt by my new relationship and I think Im screwing up big time. I havent spoken to the ex in nearly 2 months...this is my way of dealing...I pretend that she doesnt exist but she does and Im sure Ill run into her soon enough. Now I've dived right in with someone new and just like always, she's falling for me. And of course I do nothing to dissuade her from feeling that...There are times when I feel the same but then my dreams and my thoughts haunt me. Tonight I leave for 60 hours of work and I will see 7 states and go without sleep and I know my mind will be messing with me. PArt of me is embarassed that I have done what I have done. The new girl is great but how much of a piece of shit am I to just jump right in and make it public at that...maybe the ex is doing the same...maybe thats how she is dealing...I dont know. All I know is these dreams haunt me and these feelings are killing me. There are 2 sides to me going at it just like always...one is wanting to stay with the new girl and get my shit together...finish my MBA then jump into law school and make a life here with or without her...the other side is telling me to run...telling me to get the hell outta here again. But this time, my body is so unable to use fighting as a reason that I haev no reason or means to an end to leave...Maybe Brett was right...I'll never be satisfied...never think anyone or anything is good enough...Some days I think I am doing so well and I am so content but days like today eat me alive...

"Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much
as your own unguarded thoughts."-Buddha